I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months, although we were best friends for about a year before we got together. In the past couple of months we have been arguing repeatedly about the same things. Mostly interference from other people.
There hasn't been a lot of intimacy in our relationship for a while and I really miss it. It seems as though his friends come first and I am always put on the back burner. I feel like I have to plan when I'm going to see him for fear of being rejected if I ask him if he wants to see me out of the blue one day.
This week after a huge row, he decided he wanted a break from our relationship, which I didn't want but agreed with as he needs time to think. Since then he's declared himself as single yet says he doesn't want to lose me, he just needs a bit of time away from 'us'.
My mind has been all over the place since then and I really can't think of my life without him in it.
We also work together which has been difficult through the arguments however he insists on carrying on as nothing has happened, putting a smile on his face, laughing and joking with everyone. This makes me feel so hurt inside and I can't pretend anymore.
He says the break could be a week, 2 weeks, a month, or longer and even though I am prepared to wait as long as it takes for him to make a decision, the way I'm feeling at the moment is making it seem that the waiting and not knowing is hurting more than if it were to come to the end.
All I feel I can do is hope and pray that the decision he comes to is the one I want to hear, that we will stay together and work this out. I just dont know how long I will have to wait and suffer like this until that happens, if it happens.
I love him and don't want to lose him but I don't know what I can do to save our relationship.
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Anonymous on 04 April 2009 at 1:24pm said...
There shouldn't be anything you need to do to save a relationship.....a relationship is...well a relationship.
Anything else is not really one....people don't work on relationships they have them. It sounds like he wants to get space and is not as sure as you are about how he feels. I am so with you on feeling lost without..........but this is your life and this is how you feel......he seems to feel different....if you are wanting to wait to see if he will come around after he does some single living....well that is your decision...and you will have to wait...not fret or come undone but wait. Or you could say...Ok I am going to do this also and see if he cares....if he does not then you have the answer you may not want to hear....or he may see you are as loosing something he wants also and come to a decision to have a relationship....as of right now he has you to fall back on and the prospect of doing anything he wants to despite how it will effect you because you have put yourself on the backup list.
loobyloo on 04 April 2009 at 1:53pm said...
This is going to sound hard but what I am reading from this is that he never saw you as The One for him, if he was totally committed to you, you wouldnt have been rowing about being second best to his mates. 9 months in the grand scheme of things is not a long time in my book, and maybe he sees it this way too.
I maybe totally wrong but saying he wants a break that could take a week, a month or even longer just tells me that hes hoping that you can get over him without having the guts to tell you that hes moving on. The fact that hes not falling to pieces over this is another indication.
Working with him must be very hard for you, does he speak to you at work? Does your work colleagues know that you were dating? Is there any way that you can work for another department?
I know this is hard sweetheart but when relationships come to an end and there is always one person that gets hurt if the split is not mutual. You need to get on with your life and stop pinning for him, like the above poster said, you have to stop fretting over it, start going out with your friends again and enjoy the same freedom hes getting, afterall i bet hes not sitting at home wondering if your going to ring him.
I really hope you can find the strength to move on, take care, looby x
Anonymous on 27 April 2009 at 9:47am said...
I can honestly say that I have been feeling, in my relationship, what it seems he may be feeling now. I feel like I need to be more independent. I need some time away from "us" and I want to see other people, however, I don't want to lose him. He is so good to me and pure, and god, he loves me, and I REALLY do love him, but more and more I wonder if he was right all those times when he said that I act like we're only friends, because t seems, even to me, that that's all I want to be anymore.
I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to imagine a life without him. I think we rushed into things too quickly and...well, this is my first relationship. I'm 21 and we've been together for almost 3 years. We moved in together after kinda dating for a few months. I say kinda dating because, we didn't really even date.
I guess my point is, perhaps this is a good thing for you guys. If it turns out that you are meant to be together, then you will be. If not, then you two built great experiences together. And the greatest thing anyone can ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. The greatest gift life can provide.
I just wish I could muster up the gull to talk to him about this. You should be greatful that he was honest with you about things. He cared about you enough at some point, when he told you he needed space, to be up front with you rather than dishonoring you. I hope that you can find peace in that. Good luck.