my partner and i have been together for nearly 8 years now i am 24 and he is 26 and this past year has been full of ups and downs, there has allways been a problem with jealosy from both of us but it is getting so hard for me to keep reasuring him that its him i want and nobody else! when we are good we are so happy and content with eachother but when we are bad its so bad that we totally loose our patients and end up saying and doing things we dont mean! the last argument we had got a bit phyisical he didnt hit me but he did push me about alot which ended up with me hitting him at that point it escolated into a uncontrolable fight in wich he ended up punching the door insted of me! this obviosly gets alot worse when we have a drink, i love him so much and i no he feels the same and this is not how we used to be with eachother how can i make it stop so we can be ourselvs again because i dont even feel like me anymore!
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Anonymous on 05 November 2008 at 9:01am said...
Wow, you guys are really getting violent. There's really no excuse for either of you to attack the other - whether alcohol / jealousy etc. come into play. How many times would you say it's got violent? And for how long has it been happening?
Sounds to me like you really need to sort this out with a clear head. Fot the safety of you both!!
Anonymous on 05 November 2008 at 9:48am said...
I think you should try and get some help. There is information about violent relationships on the 'Is this site for me' page.
Look after yoursel!
Anonymous on 30 December 2008 at 7:56pm said...
Hiya,
Well for a start GET HELP okay..because you dont want the violence to become worse and worse im not goin to tell you yer not meant to be because i know a couple who went through this but went to group sessions and got the help that they needed and learned how to deal with anger in a less volent way..now they couldnt be happier..!! But dont take S**T because you dont deserve it nobody does..if you both love and want eachother enough you'l consider counseling in order to save this relationship..
Please take care,
x
DaveAngel on 23 March 2009 at 4:58pm said...
Maybe you met in an inauspicious place like a nightclub and had a fling that turned into love, I dont know...
And maybe you are ppl who are surrounded by singles as happens at your age...
But what r the triggers that start it off? Maybe a guy friend or you looking at some hot guy on the tellie...
Are u both redady to make a real commitment and discuss the things that are involved in building trust and communication?
Maximum respect, manners, consideration and courtesy might help. I remember when I was younger, jealousy and disloyalty were all part of the mix- and got burned as much as I burned. Take care of yourself and know the law around restraining orders if it looks as if u r in danger.
You yourself must cease the violence too of course, as something like that could trigger an escalation to serious battery... never forget that abuse can be not only physical, but emotional, verbal, psychological etc...check all these little areas to see if u r making him suffer needlessly
VikH on 02 August 2009 at 12:35am said...
Thank you so much for this post. I am in a similar situation, although the issues are complicated, but to hear that people can sort it out is hope. My feelings are very mixed at the moment. Whilst battling with whether the relationship is right, I am trying to keep in mind all of the positive things about my partner too and it's all eating me up.
VikH on 02 August 2009 at 12:36am said...
PS. Good luck to you xxx
Cheetah on 26 October 2009 at 8:08pm said...
Hi
You need to both stop telling each other you are paranoid. It's hard, believe me, I've had to do it, but it's the only way. It's very difficul, but you have to bite your lip and say nothing. It only becomes an issue when you mak it an issue. If you don't say anything about it, the paranoid feelings jsut go away - trust me!! Same with feeling jealous. You need to spend quality time with each other, not quanitity of time.
I also think a break mya help you reassess whether it is each other that you want and love, or who you used to be that you're holding on to?
Good luck -if you have nay advice for me 'he doesn't love me anymore' Cheetah, then please comment. Thank you and good luck!!
abby on 12 November 2009 at 12:00am said...
dont ever hit the person who you say you love, if ever I get so angry and upset I feel I may say or do something I would regret i take somee deep breaths and go outside to calm down, this does the trick 10 fold!
Stu-34 on 22 November 2009 at 2:19am said...
IT IS HARD FOR ME TO WALK OUT TO TO CHILL OUT WHEN I ARGUE WITH MY PARTNER UNTIL I'VE GOT MY OPINION ACROSS TO HER. NOW SHE HAS KICKED ME OUT FOR SAFETY REASONS REGARDING OUR BABY BOY BECAUSE I BECAME VIOLENT NASTY PUNCHING KICKING WALLS DOORS ETC ETC. I'M SO GLAD SHE DID DO THAT OR ELSE I'LL NEVER CHANGE THEN DO SOMETHING I'LL REALLY REGRET FOR REST OF MY LIFE!! I NOW GO SEE A SPECIAL COUNSELLER WHO IS REALLY NICE TO ME UNDERSTANDS MY PROBLEMS EG JEALOUSY ANGER OCD VIOLENT OUTBURSTS. I MAY PAY MY COUNSELLER BUT, MY PARTNER IS SEEING A HUGE CHANGE IN ME & STARTING TO PUT HER TRUST IN ME & LETTING ME SEE MY BABY BOY WITH THE TRUST I WON'T KICK OFF!! I FEEL MUCH MORE CALMER & FEEL BETTER IN MYSELF NOW I'VE STOPPED DRINKING SMOKING. MY PARTNER & BABY BOY ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME......THATS WHY I GO SEE MY COUNSELLER ALL THE TIME UNTIL I'M MENTALLY RIGHT IN THE HEAD & STABLE.
Anonymous on 07 January 2010 at 12:59am said...
wow yeah I say get counseling fast