We have been married 20 years. I earn a good salary and my wife does not work. However much I earn she manages to spend more than that every month and we have become dependent on credit cards. I have tried to explain that we need to budget for everthing or we will become bankrupt very shortly. Even though she agrees to stop spending she continues to do so and if feels as if she is sabotaging our relationship. Things are generally tense, there is little intimacy but deep down we still love each other. I am at the end of my tether as she seems unwilling to discuss things or seek help. Please help save our marriage.
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Tony (a member of the Talk It Out team) on 18 February 2009 at 10:23am said...
I can really understand how frightening this must be for you. You do not say whether this issue has always been something of a problem or whether it is something that has happened recently, but it does sound as if it may be linked to the lack of intimacy that you mention. There is a useful article by Janet Reibstein under 'Money' in the Check It Out section of this site that may help you talk more about this.
http://thecoupleconnection.net/articles/72
Can you overcome her reluctance to discuss it or seek help? If you were to go to couple counselling, it would give her a chance to talk about what is going on for her and know you were listening. If you cannot persuade her, then it might be worth going on your own to explore your feelings and work out how to get through to her.
I hope you can find your intimacy again.
Tony
Anonymous on 27 March 2009 at 7:47pm said...
my husband and i have very similar issues. He is the main wage earner althought i do work full time. We have a large amount of debt. my husband seems to think that there is a endless supply of money. He does not deal with bills, just takes the money out on a regular basis. I have been in touch with a debt management company called clearstart. you can find them on the internet. Althought i have not used their services they were very helpful and posted to me a financial statement. It clearly showed that we do have enough money coming in to pay all our bills, morgage payment, loans and credit cards if we stick to a budget. I now have to sit down with my husband and lay it all out. If we do not take control now it will be too late.
Anonymous on 29 March 2009 at 6:15pm said...
look up Bi-polar symptoms on the net..........