I have been with my partner for 5months now, i moved in with him after three and we were getting on really well and i thought maybe i had found the one, even in such a short space of time. However after i moved in he confessed he had lied about his age to me which i was shocked to hear as he had let me move in and had ben lyin ever since. Also when discussing ex partners he denied any contact and stated he was not bothered about contacting them, however i logged onto his facebook and saw messages to his ex simply asking how she was and for her phone number...they were very friendly. i did confront him in the end and asked him to tell her about me, so he did. therefore i was satisfied.
He works as a taxi driver and i am aware that he has a flirty over friendly attitude to women, he confessed a female customer had invited him into her house, and e denied flirting with her.
so basically my question is should i trust him despite his past lying behaviour and in particular the women who invite him in?
Surely he must have led her on for her to invite him in?
i dont know whether i am over reacting adn would love some advice.
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missrosy on 22 September 2008 at 10:40am said...
I personally think how could you trust him in the future if he is already lying to you? I would move on if it were me. Sadly my husband and I have just been through some trusts issues but we have alot of history and our daughter is very poorly so there are reasons behind this which I can see.
Had this of happened early on in our relationship I would of gone and not looked back.
I hope you manage to make the right decision for you,
Take care.
X
bambi on 22 September 2008 at 12:24pm said...
I totally agree with missrosy. 8 months into a relationship, both partners should still be in their "best behavior" and fully committed to the relationship. If that is not the case, I don't think there is much hope.
I am conscious this is probably not what you would like to hear but this is how I feel. The little things that annoy you now will get / look bigger as time goes by. If you are having second thoughts now, imagine how it will be in a few years time.
Anonymous on 24 September 2008 at 11:43am said...
park him!
Anonymous on 26 September 2008 at 8:30am said...
Look I'm not saying this is the right guy but I cant understand why evryones so sure he's the wrong one. You havent known each other that long and two of the things you worry about were confessions, you werent suspicious(?), he just decided to tell you.
Lots of people lie about their age a bit early in the relationship. When he owned up it could be a sign that he was beginning to trust you and trying to come clean. same thing with his ex, maybe he was frightened how youd react, so it was hard to be honest.
All this stuff about "best behavior" is right but when your in such a new relationship "best behavior" means I want to look as good as I can to my partner and I dont want to hurt her feelings unnecesarily.
As for the customer in the cab, it sounds as if he told you that without having to. perhaps he felt insecure about his age or attractiveness and wanted to impress you that he was fancyable. No reason to believe hed dream of taking her up on it. Don't you want him to be fancyable?
Seems to me hes mostly insecure. Perhaps youare too. Perhaps that will stop your relationship developing but it seems a bit early to assume that.
Just read this again and realised I'm assuming hes not old enough to be your father or young enough to be your son, so the age thing is not a huge deal. That would change things. Good luck.
Anonymous on 05 December 2008 at 1:37pm said...
This comment has been edited by a member of the "Talk It Out" team
My friend had a problem with her partner always working late.....finally
she had enough and consulted some company specialising in unfaithful partners
the result was 'her man' was living a double life and seeing his PA at work and
then going back to her flat for 'after eights' (not the choci's)...why oh
way do we tust people as partners?
(inappropriate personal details deleted)
Anonymous on 30 December 2008 at 3:33pm said...
Think about it this way... If he was in your shoes how would he feel? I believe and always have believed in trying hard if you know deep down you and your partner have something special between ye.. Me personally i dont give up easy and wouldnt unless i know all the details and if its dodgey then i know my answer in my heart.. Ask him that if he cant see things from your point of view send hime packin,
Good Luck,
X
Anonymous on 26 January 2009 at 9:36pm said...
i wouldnt trust him at all cause all men are the same,they just tell lies thinking that you believe them,but you would be mad to believe him anyway.
Anonymous on 16 February 2009 at 9:33pm said...
been there dun that,but im still wiv him n no i dont liv him anymore but dnt no wot 2 do about it.but my bf lied wen we got togeva n its calmed dwn now,n now i wish i ad dumped him ages ago bcoz now i fill stupid puttin up wiv it,theres duzzons of boys out ther, go live your life.im just waitin 4 the right time 2 do that myslf
Anonymous on 19 February 2009 at 2:36pm said...
When i first got wid ma b.f he lied to me about his age, somethning happen and i found out i was in shock and decided not to say anything, until 1day he came clean, even though he lied to me and i was really disappointed i was too much in love to make a number get in the way.
he is a really friendly person towards females, i found it really hard to trust him, if he was going out i wanted to know when where how and why?
he always reassure me and always ask for a chance for to change. I can say things have been changing little by little but we still argue but we've decided to put our differences aside and work things out.
The thing is us females understand each other, males understand males, communication is vital, without it realtionship will go no where 90% of the time we argue, its down to a lack of communication .
As for trusting him when he has lied to you, it takes time you've just got to know that he is worth your time and that both of you will work this out. Sometimes you just off to believe what they say when in the back of your mind you know it could be something, give him the benefit of a doubt and take things slow, enjoy your time together and spend more time with each and dont forget to communicate with each other. Trust will build, its all about time, and dont give up on something you know is just different that you know is love. Love and trust take time.
However if you believe he aint worth it then no point wasting your time.
Keisha
Anonymous on 27 February 2009 at 3:04pm said...
women arevery emotional creatures and tend to give up thier entire hearts when it comes to relationships, one thing that I have learned over the past twelve months is that YES MEN ARE DIFFERENT. They cannot put all of thier hearts into a relationship because that would make them vulnerable. Guess what men are vulnerable, they will protect themselves until THEY feel ready to make a full commitment .This is just the way we are all made, after having been hurt by men so much in the past i have come to the conclusion that it is best to put into a relationship as much as the other person. I I am not saying that two people cannot have a lasting and meaningfull relationship, what i'm saying is if you give your entire heart to somebody that is not ready to give you theirs then you are going to get it broken.
mamail on 03 March 2009 at 9:15pm said...
Yes, he has lied to you but he has also come clean without you prodding and prying. You've only been with him 5 months, give him a chance...he may have lied at the beginning when you just met and before he knew it you guys were serious and to tell you the truth would have been so hard!
I'd try and be trusting if I were you. I agree with somebody above, maybe he flirts and told you about the lady asking him back to hers because he needs some confidence boosting?? However, don't stand for being made to feel 2nd rate but how he interacts with other females!
Good luck!
Anonymous on 12 March 2009 at 11:16pm said...
A lie is a lie. Do you lie to your man?
Anonymous on 14 March 2009 at 3:58am said...
i personally don't think you should trust him. Firstly, im going to generalize- taxi drivers have a way with woman. Now, im going to tel you a story. im a university student studying an honours degree, and dating a taxi driver. im dated this man cos i completely fell inlove with him the day we met. He was sweet charming and just interesting to be around. We were very happy together, until i had to come back to varsity when the holidays ended. One day as i was sitting watching tv, i got an sms from him, saying " im on my way love'. i was very suspicious and knew that there is no way in hell, that the message was meant for me. This is because of the distance between where he is and the university im in. So i decided to call him back and ask what he meant. As expected, he tod me his friend had written the message and wanted to send it to his gf, but sent it to me insted..what a blatant lie! i stopped talking to him or calling him, but he calls me everyday still, telling me how much he loves me and that he doesnt want to loose me. The truth is; i belive that this guy does not love me. He has a gf and he just loves the idea of me. The status that goes with having a gf studying at one of the most prestigious universities in south africa. So, to come to your story. Leave him- i know its hard, but clearly, he's just not that into you...
DaveAngel on 23 March 2009 at 5:15pm said...
Wow! So many confused women... How sad.
Young men are notorious for making themselves out to be more/better than they are...perhaps u r a little older?
There is some great stuff about talking with your partner about flrting- check it out and share it with your man...
P.S. When I was a young lad we all, boys and girls, would lie all the time to make ourselves seem important and to play mind games- remember?
good luck!
Anonymous on 25 March 2009 at 2:46pm said...
Obviously if you felt the need to go into his private account and check up on him you were already having trust issues. Trust those gut instincts....they are useally spot on trust me!!!!
Anonymous on 12 April 2009 at 9:24pm said...
I agree, your instincts never lie to you. If you have to lie to your new partner to impress, then you are very insecure and inmature. To have a relationship with an unsecure person is just not worth the effort, sorry. You are going to end up in missery sooner or later, if not already.
Anonymous on 27 April 2009 at 2:50pm said...
I have discovered i several relationships that if you dont have trust you have nothing! and also once trust is lost even little lies..the one about contact with his ex (exactly the same lie me ex told me) then you will not get it back, especailly if he continues to lie about other things!
Anonymous on 11 May 2009 at 1:25pm said...
well as a woman of 42yrs my advise to you is to leave him, why? simply because he is a liar! i would rather my chances with a thief than that of a liar. it will continue and you will continue to wear yourself out with it,........i have been with a liar who is the farther to my children and i dont even give him time of day, in fact because i take lying extremely serious i do not allow my children near him, untill they suffer the conseqeunces of their actions then you should not be with him everyone can change but you cannot make them change. take away what is precious(YOU), AND HE MIGHT CHANGE, IF NOT! ITS HIS LOSS.
Anonymous on 18 May 2009 at 9:53pm said...
He lied about his age that's a big no no! Back you snooping through his facebook is just as bad. Sounds like you both deserve eachother.
Anonymous on 03 July 2009 at 6:15pm said...
My partner lied about his job, what he earned etc just to make himself better than what he was, his family tell me he lies and they got worse after an ex girlfriend, and I still think he lies now and do try and give him the benefit of the doubt as this does upset him as he feels that when he does tell the truyth no one will believe him anyway, but will we ever know for sure if they cheat ...NO
whoopding on 12 August 2009 at 11:03am said...
God!!! 'His not that into you' About 80% of these posts are so extreme! Ok so he lied about his age (younger or older?) He obviously wanted to try and impress you and changing his age might have made him feel more secure in the relationship, he lied to you about his ex because obviously he knows staying in contact with an ex no matter how friendly it is its still not ideal especially when you're starting a new relationship but you looked and you found friendly messages i would personally worry if the messages were more than that, you addressed the problem but did you solve it? Did u ask him to not do it again? And did he agree to that? At the end of the day all men lie no matter what anyone says all men lie and women lie to! You should consider ending the relationship if you ever find out the lies are covering up things. This relationship is still so new and fresh why put so much pressure on it already you should be enjoying it and if you want it to work give it time and chill out a bit!
andy0191 on 24 August 2009 at 10:29am said...
Lying is never a good start to a relationship, even though we all do it. If you boyfreind has lied about his age what else is he prepared to lie about? And his freindliness to his ex, well there's nothing wrong with being on good terms with an ex. However, as he has lied already maybe he is lying about the relationship with his ex? I'm pretty sure that's what bothering you. You deserve better than that, you deserve 100% honesty and if that's not what your getting then I would walk before he hurts you even more.
Anonymous on 23 December 2009 at 10:57pm said...
The guy lied about his age,big deal.Did you ask him why?.How many people lie about there ages to get jobs on cv"s on dating sites yeah maybe not ideal,but every relationship is uniqe,its up to you whether or not you feel in your own heart you want to be with this guy or not.and ultimitly if you can trust him,if he had cheated on you i would say get out FAST,but i would be a little more hesitant over a ;little white lie over a date of birth,if its only a year or two out to make himself feel good or maybe there was another reason only he can tell you that.Sometimes its not so easy coming clean about something when you risk losing your partner,but 5 months in your still only getting to know each other,all of us have told little white lies all of us,there seems to be some bitter women on here listen to your own heart but if hes cheating on you then im afraid then he will do it again,a lie is a lie but there are reasons and circumstance for some,Good luck with whatever choice you make.x.