Myself and my partner have been together for just under three years and all along have talked about having children together, we bought a big house together 18 months ago and last year he was asking me to start a family with him, although I said I wanted to be married first. Soon after that he told a friend he was saving up for a ring to propose and made very unsubtle hints around me also. Great I thought, a wonderful man, a home, marriage and then children - all I've ever wanted! Last week he told me he doesnt want to ever get married nor does he think he ever wants children! He says he wants to see the world! - something he has never mentioned before. He says he wants to be selfish and think of himself after a lifetime of putting everyone else first. Its like he is someone else! I don't understand where this man has come from? Its like an early mid life crisis - he is 28. I am devestated. I love him too much to leave him but a life without children is not for me. He says he still loves me but no longer wants the same things. Maybe its a phase? He has been through a lot lately with nearly losing his job and also a close family member going through a very messy break up where his child is being used as a weapon in the whole thing. This has upset the whole family. Maybe its that thats causing this? I don't know what to do. Maybe if we concentrate on 'us' for a while he'll turn back into the man I met? Or maybe I'm just kidding myself?
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Anonymous on 27 January 2009 at 4:37pm said...
Well your relationship isn't over yet. He hasn't said he doesn't want to be with you. It maybe because of losing his job thats causing this change in mind. I have been with my partner for 7 years. It has been a very up and down relationship because he was in the army and had a lot of family issues. We split up and always got back together. He decided to come out of the army and settle down we talked about marriage and starting a family and I thought great this is the start of our new life together. So we bought the house and he eventually come out of the army and everything seemed fine until one day he started going off the rails slightly and becoming someone I didn't know. I was prepared to stick by him through this bad patch but out of the blue he told me he wanted completely different things from me and that he didnt want to be with me anymore. So I moved out of the house and so did he and we sold our house. Then after the sale was complete he turned round to me and said that he made a huge mistake and wanted to be with me he said that it was coz he couldn't cope with life after coming out of the army etc. I didn't think I could go back to him after all the heartbreak he had put me through but I still loved him. After a few months we starting talking on the phone etc and then agreed to meet up. He said he would love to go to Australia and go travelling and he wanted me to go with him. I knew that he was the man I wanted to be with so I agreed. A few months later we were on the plane to Australia and ended up spending a year out there working and travelling. We had a fantastic time and we got to know eachother like we had never before. Again we started talking about having a family etc. We got engaged whilst in New Zealand and in October arrived back in the UK with me pregnant. So my dream of being with him forever and having a family with him has finally come true and we are planning on getting married next year. I'm sorry to harp on about my own situation but I hope this shows you that there is hope for your relationship. He still loves you and you love him so maybe you should say to him ok you want to see the world lets go. Obviously sometimes it doesn't seem practical especially when you have a house but everything in life is possible one way or another. One day he will feel ready to settle down again but what with losing his job and family problems he probably just wants a change to normal life. After all we have been through my partner has become the person I first met but better and our relationship is stronger than I ever thought possible. I hope this has made you feel like there is hope and you should believe in your relationship.