My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for just over 3. We have no kids. We have had some problems for about the last 4 months I would say but he suddenly told me yesterday that he wanted a trial separation as he wasn't sure how he felt about me anymore. he says he loves me but just as a friend. He swears blind that he hasn't met anyone else and that it would be easier if he had. I have a long term chronic back condition and also suffer with clinical depression although I am not depressed all the time. However, I had a nervous breakdown in 2007 and have only really fully recovered from that in the last few months. The tablets I am on for my back pain and the antidepressants have destroyed my libido which has caused problems obviously although my husband was very understanding about this. He now says that he feels the passion has gone out of our relationship, which it probably has a bit but I have shown passion towards him in other ways but he says this is not enough. Because of my mental health, I do overreact to situations and can be a drama queen and he says there is very little calm in our lives because of my nature. Having said that, he used to say there was never a dull moment with me but clearly that has worn off now. He accepts that he hasn't been perfect and I know that I can be difficult to live with especially when I'm in pain with my back and can't do a lot. We used to have a lot of fun and laughs despite this and we were extremely happy up until a few months ago. He says he started feeling dissatisfied with our life together about 8 to 10 months ago, which was a shock to me. Even when I started asking him what was wrong and asking him to talk to me so that we could resolve our problems, he kept denying there was anything wrong and he now tells me that he was in denial but he needs space now to clear his head and work out what he wants. I moved back to my mum's house yesterday and he is living in our home. I don't know where to start in trying to work out if I want to try and make our marriage work, even if he decides he does want to do that or whether I should start preparing myself for the inevitable, i.e. a permanent split. I know this is a long posting but any comments would be gratefully received.
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Anonymous on 27 January 2009 at 8:42am said...
This must be very difficult for you especially as you already are trying to deal with your health problems, I think maybe its just a glitch in your relationship, I would give him some space for a while and just try and stay clam and understanding towards him. Maybe give him a little space and time then try and win him back valentines is coming soon this could be a good start to let him know how you feel about him but without putting any pressure on. Me and my partner of nearly 10 years have recently seperated due to neither of us been able to communicate and listen to one another, we've had a few months apart and neither of us still no whether we want to make it work again, im perhaps hoping one day we can start from the very beging and fall in love again, fingers crossed. i hope you and your partner can work things out and who knows it might be better 2nd time round. Wish you lots of luck.
Anonymous on 27 January 2009 at 11:08am said...
Thanks very much for your kind comments. I hope your situation works out too.
Anonymous on 27 January 2009 at 10:40pm said...
i can relate to both posts, my partner cheated and since then all we do is argue. We hae seperated and things seem to be going well... taking one step at a time to fall in love again as we both lost our way. I focused so much on my new born son at the time that he strayed... we are now talking civil and doing fun things together, i dont know how i feel about him, Im not sure if its because he hurt me so much that i cant begin to trust him, or that i dont love him any more after how much he hurt me... only time will tel and i think thats the main thing, that people loose their was and time will tell if your relationship is srong enough to last. good luck to both
Kizzy
maka on 17 July 2009 at 11:38pm said...
Well a try separation is not good if you can not work things out right now what makes you think that in a few months things will actually be the same. I remeber when i had problems with my ex, i thought that if we hasd a trial separation we would learn to appreciate each other again. We have a daughter and she was 5months old. Now she is 6 yrs old and we never made back together and we had been together for 5 yrs propr to that so a separtion in mind is just an easy way to start life over with out the person. but may be it may work i don't know anyways good luck
Anonymous on 09 November 2009 at 8:15am said...
I feel for you both. Physical and mental health issues can really put a strain on a life together - I know this from my scratch on the surface monthly depression, if you are in the grip of it, it feels like a mire that you can never get out of. You also have had a nervous breakdown which you admit has taken two years to recover from and that can't have been easy for either yourself or your husband. I understood when you said about being a drama queen and overreacting - I am the same, it's like perspective on things goes out of the window and life really feels against you. Maybe this break will give you the mental space you both need, maybe one or both of you will learn to like it, it's a gamble but I hope it works out. It sounds like there is a good foundation there, of fun and laughs, and happiness deep down, if you both give yourself the space you need, it is frightening but so is being in limbo. I'm not very good at expressing myself so I will leave this to just say good luck, not only with your relationship, but your recovery from your breakdown and your physical health.