Is my perspective all skewed??
I am living with and have a 3 yr old with my partner of 8 yrs. One of the big issues which causes problems in our relationship is the fact that I feel hurt/disappointed by the fact that he prefers to spend the vast majority of his time (including holidays - we have yet to have one which is exclusively with the 3 of us) climbing, caving or kayaking. A holiday with just the 3 of us is a sacrifice he says he will make to keep me happy - but I can't help feeling this is not how it 'should' be.
I became aware recently that I may have an unrealistic perspectice, as my parents split when I was young and I have been bought up around almost exclusively women. Is my expectation/ desire unrealistic - even before we had our son, he didn't want to do anything (and I mean pretty much anything!) other than outdoor sports together and was always more than happy to share almost all our hopiday time with others to facilitate more opportunities for this - he would call it simple tiem management - I feel a deep desire for something else - but is he just being a normal - honest - bloke?!
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Anonymous on 18 July 2010 at 1:03pm said...
I see nothing in your message to suggest that he is anything other than a normal honest bloke. His preference for outdoor activities was obvious from the start, you were apparently willing to go with it at the beginning and he is willing to make a sacrifice for you if it is important to you? So why not accept the sacrifice and see how it goes? What relationships 'should' be is not about always wanting the same things, but about being willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the one you love and your relationship together. It sounds as if you're making some sacrifices - why shouldn't he do so too sometimes?
But you do say 'one of the big issues' - are there others where you feel it's always you that makes the sacrifice? There is a good item on 'relationship stages' in the Check It Out section of this site that might help you - and him.
Anonymous on 18 July 2010 at 5:43pm said...
i guess as long as he does both, it's alright. It's important that he spends time to do his 'things' while he also spends time with you and your son. men and women are different that way, but i guess calling a holiday with you and your son a sacrifice is a little bit off. i dont know, i am a woman.
sometimes, even my bf, they do one thing but when i ask him why he do that this way, he would say "maybe its not the best way to do it" like as if he doesnt know how.