sorry for the long story but i had to write these details! im new at this i really feel i need some help
my past: i was 12 years old, had 2 year relationship with 17 year old guy(big mistake). cheated on me with all my friends, broke up, took me years to get over him. when i was 14 promised myself i wont get in a relationship again and i wont let any man hurt me again. didnt think it wuld actually happen
dad divorced my mom. cheated on her with lots of women. now he has a gf hes gonna get married and still cheats on her
now im 19,
i had never been in a relationship (sometimes i feel im angry at all men but i still have one night stands)
ive had a few crushes on men, been hurt again, cried but i got over it. i consider myself very strong, sometimes too strong at the point im cold towards men.
then i met this guy. i told myself 'dont get too attached hes still a man like the others, he will still hurt u'. so we started going out, spending all our time together, made me laugh, we were practically living together from month 2! i felt so happy. he told me he started having strong feelings bout me and that he felt he loved me. i didnt let him finish the sentense tho, i got too scared when i heard it so i told him it was too early. i know all good things come to an end so i convinced myself to never open up.
needless to say i didnt trust him.
month 1- caught him texting a girl named 'baby', saying she misses him so much.i didnt even ask him just broke up with him
he texted me a week later asking me what happened, he told me it was his ex from his hometown and he still contacts her(he moved to a different city to study
so i said to myself 'who cares just have fun with him, enjoy'
he told me he wanted me to be his gf, denied, i said i dont trust him and thats an issue i got. he was sad asking me why all the time, trying to undesrtand. so i said yes eventually(for me it didnt really make a big difference)
hes good looking, too social, has girl friends too, NEVER GETS MAD, HIS AGAINST PEOPLE FIGHTING so u can imagine how i feel everytime i start a fight(he always jokes, and laughs and say 'dont stress urself over it chill')
what bothers me is that everytime he goes out with his friends he gets really drunk, he dances with girls(grinding on them-even when hes not drunk), flirts with girls, his facebook is full of half naked pictures of him plus pictures with him dancing with girls and looking at their boobs, and pictures of buts, msgs from girls asking him if hes alright plus a msg from his ex
the worst is that in an another account with same half naked pics, random unknown girls were hitting on him and he was just replying giving them his phone number and inviting them to his place! i was shocked!
i even caught him grinding on girls too and didnt make a scene(not that type of girl) i just gave him his keys and kicked him out
i talked to him and he actually thinks its right to dance with other girls( i repeat GRINDING) and he doesnt care if i dance with other guys too! he thinks all of the above is normal cz at the end of the night he always comes back to me! and i didnt break up with him cz for me it takes more than online texting and dancing to break up. altho im jealous, i wont break up with him untill i catch him red handed cheating on me!
so i said to myself once again 'i got trust issues i shuld try and work it out with myself first'
truth is i dnt trust him, everytime he goes out i get really paranoid(i never make a scene tho i just get paranoid to myself), i dnt think i can trust him ever cause he doesnt get where im coming from and what i feel
i went on a 3 weeks holiday to my hometown and when i came back i felt he was different, he had more friends, was going out with them all the time(drunk), was avoiding to come to myplace(he used to be here all the time), we hadnt been out since i came. i talked to him
said he wanted to give me space cz i had exams(space i didnt ask for), that it was my first relationship and didnt want to choke me! out of the blue without a reason! i told him i dnt need a space so he said ok we were gonna be together just be normal
but i still didnt have the time to be with him. he like disappears for the whole day with his friends or whatever and just sends me a text asking me how i am and sometimes we MIGHT meet up at night
before that three week vacation everything was good. he was with me all day long, having fun, i had total trust in him. now somethings different, i just feel it. i dont have any trust in him, sometimes i cry to myself cause i dont know if its my fault if its my issues. i feel sad cz i like him i wanna be with him, he hasnt done anything terrible to hurt me but i still feel hurt.
like i feel it deep inside he cheated on me. its one of those feelings women have! the ones u actually feel it ur man cheated on u. not the paranoid ones, like an instinct!
its my first relationship i want it to work but i really dont know how to act from here. i think that since i dont trust him i shuld just let him go. what do u think?
Please Log in or Sign up to add your comment. You will still be able to remain anonymous if you wish.
nic23 on 19 January 2009 at 4:10pm said...
First of all, I say don't blame yourself and your trust issues here, if I'd found all that stuf I would have been devastated too. Its not nice. I think that women want to feel special to their man, like theyre the only one he's interested in, which is why it hurts when he's flirting with and dancing with others. He should not be giving his number to strangers at all. I understand how you feel but maybe thats because Im a woman! I'd suggest sitting him down and telling him how you feel and why, maybe write it all down if you find it hard to talk. I really do think men do not know how to put themselves in others shoes, he probably thinks its ok because hes doing it but would feel the same as you if it was the other way around. Explain how you feel, and don't blame yourself! Good luck
Anonymous on 11 May 2009 at 11:17pm said...
i would just like to say it in short, leave that sob.
moga on 11 June 2010 at 8:56pm said...
i have felt exactly the same as you in my relationship i am in with my first love. we live together and i wouldnt tolerate him leaving for the night ever.
he emails other girls, particularly his ex. whenever i bring it up im "obssessed by her" ect.. he is very defensive, but never about anything else i have ever accused him of.
he used to go out and tell me he'd be home by 11, then would turn up at 4, wrecked off his head to the point he couldn't even talk to me. i used to tell him i didn't like him going to the flat that he was going to because of a girl there who i used to know that took nearly every girls boyfriend she came into contact with and had always had an eye for my boyfriend before we had got together. he refused. he said i was welcome to go as some of them were my friends to, but i was very depressed and unwell at the time. i have also suffered from drug addiction in the past and did not want to go out and take drugs. i was hurting and all i wanted was my man to stay home with me just one night infront of the tv snuggled up cuddling and chatting.
i know how it feels when you don't know where he is, or when he's coming home. i know how much that pain in your chest hurts when you read something he has written to another girl, especially an ex when he calls her the names he gives you. it breaks your heart.
you were really brave finally starting a relationship. it took me a very long time to because of trust issues and worries about the physical side of relationships due to previous abuse, but i finally managed it just as you did. i know how hard it is, and i have the upmost respect for you.
i'm sorry that it isn't going well.