my husband wants to seperate
I have been with my husband for 10 years. Recently he has been very stressed and refuses to talk to me about it. It got to point where we did not talk for 2 weeks. He then told me he thinks if we don't separate that we will end up hating each other.
At first I agreed, and he turned extremely happy, telling me that he had plans to save money, open a different bank account and spend time taking me out (which we don't do now)
After a week still nothing had happened, I'm so confused and feelling totally empty and lonely.
I cried in front of him yesterday and now he says he will stay because he doesn't want to hurt me.
I don't know what to do, I will do anything to save my marriage, but I won't let him stay with me out of PITY.
He still won't talk to me, and gets defensive when I try to work things out, should I just leave, hoping that he will realize what he is missing and come back to me.
We have been having the same problems for 10 years, they never get fully sorted because he won't compromise with me
I'm totally depressed and I don't know what to do
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Morwenna (a member of the Talk It Out team) on 29 April 2010 at 10:51am said...
Dear opal74
It does sound as if your husband had made up his mind to separate, but you are still feeling you really want to try and save this marriage. He obviously still cares for you but you suspect he is only now staying out of pity. Would he go with you for relationship counselling, on the basis that it is to help you both decide whether you want to improve the relationship or want to separate. If you decide on separation, the counsellor will help you to work through the issues and separate as amicably as possible. If he won't go you might want to go on your own to get help with handling this situation. See www.marriagecare.org.uk or www.relate.org.uk for access to counselling. Good luck with the way forward.
Anonymous on 30 April 2010 at 12:42pm said...
Dear opal74,
I'm really sorry that you are feeling so hurt and depressed, it can't be easy at all going through the process of grieving for the relationship you once had whilst trying to go forward in your current situation. You may also find the website http://www.theparentconnection.org.uk/home.aspx helpful, it's a new service for couples who are thinking about separating, or in the process of separating and there is a very good section on how to co-parent more effectively once you have separated, that's if you have children. If it's appropriate check it out, if not do try to visit a counsellor as Morwenna in the comment above has suggested.
I wish you all the best..