I (aged 34) am at my wits end at the moment, I rented with my boyfriend (aged 28) for 18 months and we have been together for 3 years, we were about to move onto the next stage and get a mortgage and then he decided that he wasn't sure if it was what he wanted. He says that he knows he wants marriage and kids in the future but is not sure if it will be with me and he wants to be 100% sure he is making the right decision. He is now going to rent his own flat for 6 months to get some independence as he has never done that before. He says he doesn't want to to meet anybody else but just wants some time to work out what he wants. Do you think I should wait? One minute I think I should as this is the best relationship either of us has ever had and then in another breath I think how can it possibly work out if he felt strongly enough to move out. We are both really cut up about the split and never thought it would ever be this hard.
Would really appreciate some feedback please as I am so stressed about the whole thing and can't think of anything else as I miss him terribly.
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Anonymous on 14 March 2010 at 9:52am said...
I can understand your pain and confusion, but, if he is being totally honest with you, then he is really testing how stong his commitment to your relationship is. The worst thing you can do in these circumstances is to be clingy and needy - respect his (in)decision and set out to enjoy life as a single person while continuing to keep open your lines of communication with him If he still has feelings for you, he will realise how much he misses you. Don't be at his beck and call - give him a real choice between a committed relationship with you and life as a single man.
And if he hasn't been totally honest with you, then this strategy works pretty well too - don't put your life on hold for him.
I hope it works out for you.
Anonymous on 16 March 2010 at 5:13pm said...
Thanks for your comments. I have been really good and not contacted him unless really had to about the house we are moving out of. He has contacted me though with queries which didn't warrant a phone call. I am just going to leave him to get on with his independence and wait for him to contact me for a talk when he's ready. Should get easier once the house we rented is no longer in the picture.
Thanks again.