I have been living with my boyfriend now for nearly a year . I moved in on a temporary basis.He said to me move in and get your debts paid off.So I did not the right choice now though....We lived a fair distance apart so the travellin was getting a bit much too and he has his own place.I managed to pay off a good proportion of it.And know its just down to a couple of hundred.I paid this off in 4 months.My job I did was as a dancer ..so the way he saw it was that I should of paid it off sooner.And that as it took 4 months that that made me lazy . He then would start calling me this in every arguement and throw back in my face the fact that I was living there ,even though he suggested it .At points we got on and I found myself staying longer .He started to start arguements saying that I could of paid him money towards the bills because I was apparently lazy and that it was all my fault .The reason I could nt is because I was still paying off my debts and also I stopped the job for him because he would nearly be in tears everytime I went.I started doing promotional work so I wasnt earning half the money I was earing before.But even though I had not much money I would still buy the shopping when I could and pay for his shirts to be ironed. I also did all the cleaning and the rest of the ironing and dealt with his food a lot of the time.He started to say that I was taking the pi** out of him.This went on and on and he said that if I had to pay £300 or for me to not live there.And so the month after I committed to paying it .I said in fairness that he could help me more with the cleaning and he just said you pay £400 and I will help or we can pay for a cleaner with that .He always says to me that when I clean its half a job ...When I first moved there he had a house mate .He then got him to move out as it was a bit weird the three of us.So as he was loosing money that way he had to make that back I guess.I ahve scrimped and scraped to pay this money to him and I said the other day that I wanted to do things properley with him and could I be put on the mortgage when Iv been paying for longer.He went mad and kept saying I was taking the pi**.He said that I was never going to have any money from the house . To be honest it s not even that ,he never talks about the future and I dont want to be giving myself emotionally and financially if im here for short term .He said I would of put up with your rubbish for this long if I did nt think so .Yet he ll say If you dont stick to paying me full board every month then leave!....I dont have a job I just have £700 in savings he said thats your problem you dont have a job you have to pay this ! while hes saying it he is shouting at me .This is how he talks to me generally.Im a nice person I do sweet romantic things and clean and make sure he always has food in his belly .Am I being a mug ...he always tells me he loves me .We have been together for a year .I feel Im being taken for granted .I v told him this and he said well if you worked I would treat you this way .I m trying so hard to get a job but the credit crunch is not helping .Please help advic me what to do ??
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loobyloo on 14 January 2009 at 4:23pm said...
How long have you been living with him, I am sure that you are entitled to half the house if you have been living together for over 6 months regardless if your on the mortgage or not. I think that you should go and see citizens advice for some help regarding your financial situation and where you stand with the house.
One question for you, why do you want to be with this man? he treats you like dirt and all he wants from you is money that you dont have. You should demand a rent book and a proper agreement on what you are expected to pay, he doesnt have any right to keep demanding money from you. It was his choice you move in with him and it was his choice to get rid of his lodger. Also if you loved the dancing job and it paid more why not go back into it?
As for the household chores, if he is so hung up on money then he should be ironing his own damn shirts not paying for someone else to iron them. If you ask me it sounds like hes the lazy one and not you.
Dont put up with it anymore, get some advice and soon. Good luck with everything.
Justapuppy on 14 January 2009 at 5:48pm said...
Hiya RGreen,
In terms of your rights financially, it might be worth looking at www.marriedornot.org.uk, it's got legal information about cohabiting, or you could contact your Citizens Advice Bureau (try yell.com for the number).
In terms of the relationship it really sounds as though this is not a supportive relationship, and instead like it's just bullying, and a relationship where you're giving a lot more than you're getting out of it in terms of emotional suppport. Do you have any options to move in with friends or family, or do you feel a bit trapped in this situation?
Good luck
x
Rgreen on 15 January 2009 at 11:41pm said...
Thank u for the advice.....would you consider him an unsupportive boyfriend even though I lived with him for 9 months with out paying anything ?I told him that I did not think wanting board of me without me working was fair ,and he said well thats your fault your not working !? Im trying to get a job still
x
Anonymous on 16 January 2009 at 11:47am said...
Do you need to talk to your boyfriend about whether all this stuff around rent and money is getting in the way of your loving relationship and is in danger of spoiling it - or is it just a business relationship for you, you say he says he loves you but you don't say much about how you feel about him?
Justapuppy on 20 January 2009 at 3:46pm said...
Hi again Rgreen! Yes, I would say that he's not being very supportive of you emotionally - after all that's the main part of a relationship for most people.
Do you love him, does he make you happy? Or do you feel trapped being in this relationship?
Anonymous on 12 February 2009 at 1:11am said...
Rgreen
Run he sounds like a greedy frugle person that wouldn't know how to act as a gentleman should
and do you really want to be with such a low life you worked hard to pay off what u should that is responsibility you owned it sounds like he is jealous now and he wants to be ahead by taking ur money
run girl and find someone else i will bet anyone is better to invest in than this fool who should know how to treat a lady
good luck
keep christ close
and all power to you
Anonymous on 25 March 2009 at 2:40pm said...
Move out as soon as you can. This should help your relationship too (if you think he still has a chance!). It seems to me he is using you. He wants a room mate, a girlfriend, a lover and a cleaner all in one! He is in no position to shout at you and demand money. He is playing emotional games. One minute he shouts, the other - he's telling you he loves you. Or he is telling you he loves you only when he wants something from you?..
You should be able to stand alone on your own two feet. You shouldn't depend on him. Take pride in who you are. There are plenty of jobs around, perhaps not your dream job but jobs that can help you meet your basic financial needs. If he cannot support you when you are in difficulty the relationship is not going to last. Perhaps he is not ready for a commitment (personal or financial). Don't let him bully you.
I really hope things work out for you.
Good luck.