My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have lived together for the past 18 months. Everything is great with our relationship and I have never felt like this about anyone before.
I am 34 and he is 28 which is now starting to cause problems.
As we are renting at the moment my boyfriend decided we should get a mortgage and buy our own place, but when it came to actually sorting the mortgage out he has got cold feet and is now saying that he is not sure he sees us together in the future being married and having children. Its not that he doesn't want that stuff but he is not 100% sure it will happen.
I am totally confused about what to do for the best, do we carry on renting together and wait until he is ready and then maybe realise in a years time he still feels the same and we have wasted our time. Or do we both end the best relationship we have ever been in?
Its so hard and upsetting as neither of us can imagine life without each other, but he just does not feel ready to commit and says that he has a niggling feeling that something is not right.
Do you think that if you love someone you just know what you want in the future or do you think you need to wait to know for sure?
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MrsP1985 on 08 February 2010 at 1:44pm said...
Maybe he feels it's all too good to be true, he sounds insecure, if you are able to talk to him and get him to open up to why he has this doubt I would, he might not know himself until its aired out.
I wish you both all the best
confused75 on 08 February 2010 at 1:51pm said...
Thanks, we keep discussing it and end up going round and round in circles, he knows he can't live without me but isn't 100% sure we'll be together forever, but who does know that. He says he doesn't know why he has these doubts but just knows that he feels there is something telling him that this isn't the right thing to do now and doesn't know if it ever will be. He would be happy to carry on as we are until he is ready but he's worried that he may never be ready and is wasting my time. I don't know if its just an age thing as he is younger than me and worries that I want all this stuff sooner than him. We have had similar problems before big decisions in our relationship before, ie moving in together, maybe he is just a worrier and over analyses things.
ALoveableLady on 13 February 2010 at 6:53pm said...
I honestly think he worried a little as this is a big commiment to make. A morgage with a partner is worrying to some people.
Also what is his background like? Has his parents split or any friends of his split from their partners? He might just be insecure and not know why e is feeling these things and maybe doesnt want to feel the way he does because he cares about you so much and cant bare being away from you.
I would explain to him that you understand and you will give him all the time he needs and let him know you will never hurt him and be 100% honest with him on how you feel.
confused75 on 13 February 2010 at 9:03pm said...
We've actually split up now. He doesn't want to waste my time and feels like he needs to live on his own to get some life experience as he has never done that before. Neither of us has ruled out getting back together in the future if he decides what he wants. His parents never split and none of his friends have ever gone as far as getting a mortgage with their girlfriends which doesn't help. The way I feel at the moment is that I want to wait for him but I have to be realistic that he may never feel the same way as me so I need to move on when I've stopped hurting.
Valentines Day tomorrow - great!