We are married and the last 2yrs have been really hard.
We lost a baby, married, had another baby then moved.
We have 4 children.
My husband has a game addiction, he use to watch porn alone when we were happy and says he doesn't now because it would upset me given the way things are with us I am not sure whether to be happy or worried.
I never thought I would feel unable to walk away from the situation I am about to explain,never, apart from the moment it happened and I pointed out I felt deeply uncomfortable and disturbed he has worked hard on making me feel like I was imagining it...
We really dont have sex anymore ad that bothers me, the intimacy and affection has gone, I don't think he finds me attractive and I do try.
It had been weeks and I had finished my period so I attempted to be affectionate which worked and we kissed it felt genuine it was reall nice, he started to pleasure himself then I made my way down south....he grabbed my head and became aggressive..I looked up to see he was looking at a picture of our 4yr old son,before I knew it it was all over but straight away I pointed it out...what the hell?
I feel sick, I cried myself to sleep, did I really see that? am I going crazy?
I don't know what to do, I feel crushed inside as there is now a barrior between me and him I will never be able to lift and I there is my children to think of.
I must make clear I don't think he would ever attack them but I got the sense something at the time excited him that really shouldnt have.
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loobyloo on 08 February 2010 at 10:52pm said...
Crikey! This isnt right and your correct to feel worried about what you saw. Was he holding a picture of your son?
I wouldnt for a minute think that he couldnt hurt them. If your suspicions are right then these people are sick and they dont care whether the children are their own flesh and blood. How many times have you heard of this in the papers?
I wouldnt feel safe enough to leave someone like that with my children and no matter how much I "cared" about the man I would leave taking all the kids with me. Please you have to think of the kids, you have to make sure they stay safe.
I can imagine this has knocked the stuffing out of you. The man isnt who you thought he was but you have to be strong for the sake of the children. I wish luck and strength to get through this. Looby x
Morwenna (a member of the Talk It Out team) on 08 February 2010 at 11:19pm said...
Dear Anonymous
I am so sorry that you are so distressed about the incident with your son's picture - you are confident your husband would not attack your children but you suspect there may be inappropriate feelings going on. If you feel your son's picture was involved in your husband's sexual arousal, you must talk to someone to get advice, see www.nspcc.org.uk or www.womensaid.org.uk for access to help and support, or talk toyour GP. Please get some support as soon as possible for the sake of your children, every good wish with the way forward.
devilpois on 09 February 2010 at 6:15pm said...
i have to say i agree with looby you must make sure your children are safe, you say you dont think he'd hurt them but but would you of thought he was capable of this .... most likely not look please my members of my family experienced abuse from my dads best friend it was horrifiing and my sister has never really got over it he went on to rape his nephew and abuse his niece , a picture is where it could begin
im so sorry for what you're going through but please be safe and make sure your kids are from pois