I split up with my partner last month through trust issues and the threats he was making towards me when we would argue. He was constantly calling me everyday at first but i would ignore him or switch my phone off because i was really upset with him but now he has stopped calling me completely which makes me think that hes now got someone else.
Since we have split i have felt a bit better in myself that im not stressing about what he s up to anymore or that hes not causing silly arguements with me then when we argue he threatends me but now im really missing him and im thinking about him everyday. We did spend good times together and i really wanted to settle down with him but everytime he went back home (we live in different citys) i would find out about oyher women he was talking to and i just couldnt trust him. When he caled we would argue about the past that he has done and how he made me feel but he wouldnt listen and blamed me for everything then the agueing would turn into threats from him then he would scare me. i started drinking and getting stressed I was always wondering what he was up especaially when he went to wor because he worked in a club. We got on great sometimes then he would just change in to a totally different person. accusing me of things and being aggresive and he would freak me out with the weird things he did then he would be lovely again and they are the times i think about.
I do really miss and still love him tho and i dont know what to do about how i feel. i cant talk to anyone about this. My family and friends say h was no good for me and i need to move on but i have been through this now for 4 years and i cant see him ever changing now especailly the aggressive ways and the womanising. my kids done like him either. i wish i didnt feel this way but i do i just cant seem to gt over him. what do u advise me to do???
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littlemissy on 17 January 2010 at 7:35pm said...
Hi Bekki,
I'm so sorry that you've had such a bad experience in this relationship! You say that a lot of the time you were stressed and unable to trust him. In response he would become aggressive to you, and accuse you of things. It even lead you to drink more than normal. Your friends and family all think it was not a good relationship for you. It sounds really tough that you feel as though you can't get over him.
I agree with your family and friends, it sounds like a destructive relationship. Yes, you had good times together, but it seems that this was a much more negative than positive relationship for you. Please, take some time alone to recover - a week, a month, a year is nothing if you do better in the long term, and have a happy future in a stable relationship to look forward to x
Caseyxx on 19 January 2010 at 1:34am said...
Hiya Bekki,
Im in a bad sitution at the momment as well, it sounds the same except the aggressive situtation. I know how hard it is to move on. Ive tried plently of times but i always seem to give in to trying again. I think the best advice is from your family and friends who know you both. And think about what advice you would be giving a friend right now if she had told you exactly what you have written. You would advice her/him to move on because it clearly not making you happy. I do belive if they can do it once they can do it again. I dont think anyone will change to be honest. But i do understand it is hard, im fine giving advice to others, but when it comes to myself im hopeless with advice.
So i do think maybe you should try talking to your friends and family more, it may make you feel much better inside, and stronger. And maybe it will make you realise things. I know if you can be strong and get through this, in a year or so, or when you are fully moved on, you will be laughing at this, thinking how silly it really was.
Hope its helped a little x
bekki10 on 20 January 2010 at 10:16am said...
Thankyou for your comments. Sometimes its nice to hear from people on the outside then your family and friends because of course their advice will be get rid of him but they dont understand that when your in that situation and you have feelings for some-one its hard. I wish i could dislike him after all the things he done then it would be easier for me to move on and forget him. I have given the guy so many chances after finding out about the girls and speaking to them on the phone, the aggession, the threats, even when he was stalking me and he was arrested. The way he spoke to my kids. Ive had to move house ,the kids schools because of him. I have to put my feelings aside and just try and forget him. Even for my kids to they have seen alot and thy are scared of him and dont like him. I have had four years of upset and hurt with him. I even took to drink. I havnt heard from him for a couple of weeks now . in a way im less stressed and it has helped not to talk to him, but then im thinking maybe he' s met someone else this quick its been two months and i bet he is treating her better then he did me. I bet he wont cheat on her or be aggressive but there I go again, but i will get through it and yes i will look at in a year or so i think yes im glad im out of it.
Anonymous on 20 January 2010 at 12:52pm said...
Hi Becki , this is a dangerous situation and you have to give it up and let you especially as you have children to look after they should not be subject to that feeling of fear ......good luck stay well, safe and happy