I have been married for 4 yrs now but been together 7yrs. Within our first year of marriage and while i was pregnant my husband cheated until i found out, which i have forgiven but cant forget!
We now have a second child together and moved to a new location, which is away from both our families. Things are tough at the moment with money, me working long hours and the house starting to fall apart.
We don't really talk, sex there isn't really a sex life, i use to love sex but not any more, i have gained weight since the two kids and don't really get to exercise. My hubby is always moaning that i dont show him any affection any more. To be honest i am just tired and not really feeling it at all, i dont feel sexy like i use to!
When we argue it sometimes ends up with violence, but this time i called the police as he tried to strangle me in front of our 2 young toddlers and that was the last straw. When he was release i told him to go live with his parents for awhile until we sort things out and he or both of us get counselling.
I am not happy and havent been for awhile. I guess I stay at work late and sometimes i dont want to go home.
Will we every be together again? Is separation the right choice?
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Tony (a member of the Talk It Out team) on 03 January 2010 at 11:06am said...
Dear Anonymous
I am sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you - abuse is never acceptable in a relationship, and your husband's behaviour towards you has clearly been violent and abusive. You are right to feel separation is the best choice at the moment.
Although you do not specifically say so, it sounds as if your husband might be ashamed and frightened by his own behaviour. If he is willing to take responsibilty for his violent tendencies (rather than saying it is somehow your fault), then he can access help with managing his anger at www.respectphoneline.org.uk If he is able to move forward with this, you might then consider relationship counselling for both of you before any return, to build a better basis for a possible future relationship - see www.marriagecare.org.uk or www.relate.org.uk for access to counselling. Once the threat of violence is out of the way and you are happy that you know how to keep your relationship safe, then you can work together at some of the other issues you mention above - a counsellor will not work with you as a couple while violence remains a risk.
Please keep yourself and the children safe, and good luck with the way forward.