I currently don't feel I can rely on my partner financially. We are not seeing eye to eye on how we share the responsibility of bringing up our family. We do not currently live togther due to space constraints, but he does spend three or four days a week with us and the children live with me. I feel the burden is 90% on me, which I can handle, but at the same time I am not willing to carry the burden of looking after my partner as well if he doesn't contribute. He believes I am trying to dictate to him how he should spend his money. This creates resentment and distances us, and makes me feel as if we will not be able to be together as a family unit properly as he has not shown me that I can rely on him. We are planning on getting married and living together under one roof, but I myself am not so sure at the moment. We have tried discussing this issue on a number of occassions over the last past few weeks but it has always resulted in an arguement and him drawing the conclusion that I am trying to dictate to him how he should spend his money. I have talked to a friend and a family member about this but no agreeable conclusion has been reached between us at the moment. We are interacting as normally as possible because I don't want to hurt our children. However, the resentment coninues to grow within me and I cannot see our future at the moment because this obstacle is in the way. What do others think
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littlemissy on 07 November 2009 at 12:49pm said...
Hiya,
When I read you post the big thing I thought is that you sound anything other than 'neutral'. You sound frustrated about his unwillingness to contribute to his share of financial support to the home - are they his children too? It sounds like it is, so his not contributing is really not acceptable (in my point of view).
I guess for me it would be important to tell him that you're not bringing this up just to cause trouble, but because it is important to you. Explain that the children's food alone costs xxx that what he eats when he stays, plus the additional water, electricity etc. means that you're struggling to afford everything and prefer it to be more equal. You could try showing him the budget planner on this site, with all the info inside to help be clearer. Just have a search if you want to use it!
If he still has a problem then perhaps you need to find out more what his problem is - is it that you're expressing this in a very controlling way (this will always push someone in the other direction), or something else?
Good luck, let us know how you get on!