Hi, i'm new to this so please bear with me as i explain my situation and reasons why i feel like i do now. (sorry if it's long):
I was in a relationship with my ex for 11 years, we had 2 beautiful children together, we had been together for 3 years then i fell pregnant with our first child, but a few months after the birth i found out that he was having an affair with my best friend (he had been seeing her on and off for over a year) I found this out by taking her out and said to her that I knew all about it and that i didn't mind as it made him happy, she believed me and confessed to it all. The next day i told my ex what had been said, he tried to deny it all, said she was lying, but what reason would she have for lying as she had a partner and twin babies herself i said to him. The rows went on but i forgave him, never told her partner about what happened and kept the secret between us and never spoke to her again. 3 years on we had our second child, things were ok, but then i noticed his ways had changed again like before, and then found out that he had been "getting off" with other girls behind my back, i turned a blind eye to this, but deep down it was destroying me. I then found out that he slept with my other best mate who lived across the road from me, that was the last straw, I then thought i'd fight fire with fire (wish i hadn't) but started to see one of his mates behind his back, this went on for 3 years, he caught wind of this and then became more attentative, loving, and said that he was sorry for all he had done, but it was too late i had stooped to his level, the rows became worse, we were fighting and all sorts, sex was dead, so i decided to end the relationship, thats when he became physically abusive towards me, said he didn't want us to finish yet he was destroying everything that was left! We split up on very bad terms, i then went off the rails! (at the same time all this was happening i was caring for my father 24/7 at my home who was dying, but didn't want to die in hospital so he was with me, as well as 2 children), and turned to drink and nights out and parties!! Then my dad passed away, i fell through the floor with depression, but managed to pick myself up after 8 months of hell with help from my friends.
Now to the present, I met my Boyfriend at a party 2 and a half years ago. It was a just a bit of fun for me as he made me feel like a queen and said he wanted to marry me ect and took me away alot, then a year into the relationship i fell pregnant, huge shock, while i was pregnant he was away alot with work, i got paranoid, depressed, after the baby was born i suffered with P.N.D, found out he was on adult friend sites, porn sites, live cams, he became very secretive, constantly textin, going outside to answer his phone, this depressed me even more and with him being away for weeks on end going out with his mates spending between £300 and £500 a weekend with them got me real hacked off but as he says he's at work with his mates he can't just sit in and do nothing?? Which i can understand to a point! But because i've been so shity with him he turned to one of his female mates and tried to get in with her, taking her to gigs with him and taking her out, but he said it was all innocent, which it probably is but being in the shity state of mind i accused him of all sorts and finished the relationship, now i feel even worse, as he admitted that he did try to see if she was interested but only because i was being so distant from him and as i was accusing him of cheating he may as well do it! My paranoia and trust issues have totally killed this relationship, i need advice on how i can save it, if possible, as i do love him and he loves me.
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Anonymous on 24 August 2009 at 6:49pm said...
I am so sorry to hear about all of your relationships that have ended badly. I myself am in a relationship but not with a guy that accused me of cheating on him. But he and I were broken up when I was kissed by two other men and a little foreplay occurred, but only my ex doesn't know what occurred, I live with my guilt everyday. My point to saying this, is this; I don't think that your relationship is totally lost.. not just yet. What you need to do is apologize for being so shity to him and tell him that you have had a terrible past relationship; which has caused you to constantly feel as though he is doing things. This is normal, I promise you. But all you need to do is be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Even though I do think there are some things that should never be talked about I do think, that if you really love him just step on the line and go for it. You are the mother of his child and, if you say you love him and mean it, then the possibilities are endless!
Good luck!!
MissyT on 10 February 2010 at 10:44pm said...
Thank you so much for your words, I have been totally honest with him, maybe a little to much, but I thought i was doing good by this by showing him that if I can be truthful and honest then so can he, but it's kinda backfired and he's gone even more secretive!! Were still trying hard to work things out and I do love him, and I know hat he loves me otherwise he would have walked away from all this by now!!
thank you!!