my partner and i have been together for just over six years and it has never been easy. about 6 months into our relationship he went to work one day and didnt come home that night. i spent the next three days and nights walking around his local hang outs to try and find him. on the third night he texted me to say that he was in hospital as he tried to kill himself and that he would be staying at a b and b for the night and see me the next day. as you can image i was distraught, especially when he didnt turn up until late at night the next day. we managed to work through things and stayed together, but things have never seemed to have gotten much better except obviously for the fact that he has not tried to kill himself again. he was out of work for the first five years of our relationship so i was the one suppourting us and in that time he started drinking very heavily. he then started working fulltime and we moved into a new place promising each other a fresh start to our relationship where we would both be equal as he always felt that he owed me for supporting him for so long. this was over a year ago and although he had stopped drinking heavily (or so i thought) we still didnt do anything together except sit at home after work watching tv in silence. i am always finding empty cans and bottles of drink hidden around the house and he always swears to me that he hasnt had a drink when its quite clear that he has. while he wasnt working he also started stealing from me and denying until i realised he had sold all my dvds and some rings. he has put himself in hospital while i was away visiting family as he drank so much he ended up having a fit. i have now told him he needs to get help or we need to end it so he said he would try AA. the day came for the meeting and he said he wants to try going sober alone first. that was last week and for a few days everything was fine and he was sober. i get home tonight hoping to try and get our sex life back on track (we have had sex twice this year and that includes having gone on our first holiday together-we didnt even have sex then!) or at least have a nice evening together and he had obviously been drinking. i dont know what to do anymore. i love him so much as when he is sober even though he doesnt really suggest we do anything, i enjoy his company. i know that things must be hard for him as i have no trust in him. it tool a long time for me to stop worrying that he wasnt going to come home and i would find him dead somewhere but now i dont believe he is in that same mindframe. however, i have no trust in him and just when i think i can start to trust him again, he goes and lies to me. how can this work with no trust on my part and him obviously not respecting me?yet he claims that he loves me very much and that he wants this to work. i dont want to be hasty and leave as we have been together for such a long time and i do love him but i dont know where to go from now. i really need help and fast. im 25 and he is 26.
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Epop84 on 15 August 2009 at 9:16am said...
omg run! run for the freakin hills! I don't like the sounds of this guy. I'm sorry to say this- but he is a LOSER.
Tony (a member of the Talk It Out team) on 16 August 2009 at 8:18am said...
Dear Hayet
I am sorry to hear that the trust has gone from your relationship and it is hard for you to know where to turn.
You might find it helpful to contact Al-Anon, an organisation that supports the families of problem drinkers. Their helpline number is 020 7403 0888 and website www.al-anonuk.org.uk.
Epop84 on 16 August 2009 at 9:08am said...
This comment has been edited by a member of the "Talk It Out" team
I'm sorr about my response earlier. I don't mean to be rude or hurtful. But I can't understand why you are staying in a sexless relationship. Or worse, with a guy that is doing so badly. I don't know. I mean, I want to be forgiven for my stupid mistakes and I want to work things out with my partner- so maybe I shouldn't say anything. I do think forgivness is important and maybe you aren't having a hard time with that. But why stay with someone that has proven over and over again that he has no self control? I mean, really if you want it to work out- he needs to get help for his issues first. Put your foot down and see if he's willingto make serious changes. It will take a lot of time but that's how I see him re-gaining your trust back. And anyways, you don't want to enable him to be this sad drag alcoholic- do you? Don't be affraid to see what happens when you suggest some time a part. Look, I have my own serious probems in my relationship so maybe I'm not the best person to get advice from. But- how aweful is it to be living in fear that he is going to kill himself? Or that he's going to drink himself into a stooper for 5 more years or a life time? Go to a therapist or a free counselor of some kind. I think Tony here above me didn't say enough. (abusive comment contrary to para 3.1.6 of Terms and Conditions of site removed) I think you should go to AA at least. I don't know. I wish you and your sitaution the best. Truly I do.
Epop84 on 16 August 2009 at 9:09am said...
lol. I meant sorry. The y fell off somewhere. opps.
Epop84 on 16 August 2009 at 9:17am said...
This comment has been edited by a member of the "Talk It Out" team
Oh dear god the miss spellings. lol Well at least you kind of understand the message I hope. (part of comment deleted as abusive and threatening, contrary to para 3.1.6 of Terms and Conditions of the site) This is me just being honest.
aloneinrelationship on 20 March 2010 at 6:41pm said...
This comment has been edited by a member of the "Talk It Out" team
try this [advertising deleted as contrary to terms and conditions of site]