Should you forgive a cheating partner?
Being cheated on in a relationship is a very painful experience, but for some couples, one partner being unfaithful doesn’t have to mean they split. A survey of MSN users shows that 42% of British people are willing to forgive a cheating partner, and 30% would allow them to cheat if it was with a celebrity. But if you are cheated on, should you rush into making a decision to break up or stay together?
The first thing to do is find out what type of cheating your partner did. One night stands are the most common, with 25% of people in the survey who have cheated saying it was because they were drunk. Hurtful as they are, some partners are able to forgive a onetime indiscretion. Planned affairs, that normally happen over a long period, and include romance as well as sex, can seem harder to move on from.
Many people think an affair just means sex, but there are other ways of cheating. Online affairs or sending inappropriate texts are forms of cheating, even though no physical sex takes place.
The most important thing is that the cheater accepts their personal responsibility. For example, if they only blame alcohol, or their partner’s lack of attention as the cause for cheating, how reliable are they? Once a cheating partner accepts full responsibility, it can be easier for a couple to work out their problems together.
It is up to you and your partner to decide if you should split up, but try to consider three important things about the affair – who your partner cheated with, how it was discovered, and why it occurred. These answers can help you understand whether you should give your partner another chance, or if you should end the relationship.
Tips for forgiving a cheating partner:
- Try not to blame yourself. Your partner chose to cheat, and although there may be problems in the relationship, it was their decision.
- Stop saying “should” or “shouldn’t”. For example, “he/she shouldn’t have done this to me”. If you learn to accept things as the way they are, and not as they should be, you may find it easier to forgive.
- If you decide to forgive, don’t use your partner’s cheating as a weapon. Try not to throw it back at them in future arguments; it’ll be harder to forgive them, and you’ll risk remaining bitter.
Would you forgive a partner who cheated? Or do you believe that “once a cheater, always a cheater”? Do you think online affairs can be classed as “real” cheating? Would you forgive a one night stand? Share your thoughts below, or why not start a thread on The Parent Connection forum?
Comments
Noway!! you cant give ur cheating partner another chance, it will emotionally and mentally get to you, your always going to think about it, you wont move on from it, it will damage your relationship. It also can effect your self-esteem, was she/he better than me? these questions will pop up in your head. Also you will not be able to trust him/her, you would be paranoid etc if s/he looks at other women or men. Its upto to the individual aswell if he/she is strong enough to forgive and forget, if you cant then you have to walk away because one of you two will break anyway later if not now. if you was in a long-term relationship and you both where going through a long bad patch, then maybe you both can work things out because you both did have something, its just matter of both making promises, compromises, being commited and showing alot of understanding towards each other mistakes and being positive to make a change and move on from your mistakes, if not, just get out of it and dont waste anymore time.
for me i will not forgive him.. once he cheat / he will cheat forever. he will not change
Staying with the cheater says to the cheat; all is forgiven all is well we can move forward. Oh yes '"you're not allowed to bring up your partner's infidelity" if you choose to stay. Online affairs count as cheating because emotions are involved. It takes a strong individuals who has morals and values to walk away from a charming cheat.