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What Other Couples Say About Getting on Better with my Partner

Tags: Affairs, marital affairs, marriage affairs, affair, married affair, having an affair, jealousy, jealous, cheating, partner, cheating spouse, unfaithful, trust, trust issues

Do you ever find you and your partner just don't get along? Do the smallest disagreements sometimes turn into blazing rows? Living together and dealing with all the stresses and strains of work and family often make it difficult for us to appreciate our partner. Even the things we used to admire can suddenly seem annoying.

All of us argue with our partners and below you will find some examples of what other couples say about arguing.

Martina, Stratford
“When a fight starts you lose a bit of self control and you only think of yourselves. You forget the kids, get caught up in what YOU feel or in reacting to your partner. Then when it's all passed you just feel exhausted or relieved and forget the children haven't had that experience. But I think you have to recognise what they've seen and heard. I say something they understand like "Daddy was a pooh head but mummy's forgiven him!" Treating it like that gets everyone laughing. Even him!”

Helen, Chigwell
“…we had serious money problems. It was a tough time and if I'm honest neither of us handled it well…. we kept blaming each other. We didn't want the children to worry so we didn't tell them anything… my mother told me that our son had asked her if we were splitting up. My husband and I sat down with the children and gave them the simple facts, that money was tight which meant we had to work harder and as we got tired we got grumpy. I think it reassured them that we were going to sort it out. It was a relief to share it as a family”.

Sam, Bedford
“I wish she'd say when she isn't happy so I could do something. I think things are alright and then whoosh she explodes… then it's a million things that she has been saving up to cover me in. And though she might have a point I'm not going to say that am I?”

Carmen, Leicester
“The first time Sol visited my family for dinner he was really shocked. As soon as we arrived my mum and dad started arguing about the meat… was it cooked enough. I thought it was funny, so typical of them. Sol told me later he felt really awkward… His parents don't shout like that, don't argue at all really, so I see now why he was shocked.”

Dee, Essex
“I used to feel that we had to agree… want the same things, enjoy the same things and when we didn't I’d say to him 'that's it, it'll never work'. We never agree about holidays. I want to laze in the sun and he wants lots of activity… it's taken me a while to see it but I like the way he makes me do things and he says I help him to relax.”

Paul, London
“We went through a stage where we argued an awful lot; we couldn't walk home without arguing. We even argued about which dog we were going to have when we married.”

Samantha, Norfolk
“It is mainly the disagreements that will sort things out, when you actually talk about how you are feeling…When something goes wrong and you have an argument, that is when you are actually telling the person how you feel.”

Becca, Taunton
“When we first married it was always me saying something was wrong and him saying he would do better. As time went on he got fed up with it and I began avoiding the upset of sorting it out - the talk, the tears and then the making up. I started leaving things but then they didn't get sorted. It's hard to stay close then. Now… he will sometimes raise problems and I am much better at accepting him - the good bits and the bits that will never change. I can ignore some stuff - but there are still times when we have to sort things even if we just shout at each another. You just have to clear the air and not go into a major sulk.”

Sue, Kent
“I find our arguments quite reassuring. It's a part of the attraction thing for me and Mike. After 13 years together we haven't lost interest in fighting our corners.”

Sandra, Shropshire
“There is a definite pattern to our fights… it's mainly me, I get anxious about something and then I have a go at him. He stands up for himself but he doesn't wind me up, he takes me seriously. After a bit I just calm down. He gives me space for a bit and then checks to see I'm OK. 'Want a cup of tea love?' that sort of thing.”

Jenny, Cheltenham
“Our life has been one long argument – morning, noon and night! We argue for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We argue about everything. We bicker, argue, yell, though there’s never been any physical violence at all.”

Kendra, Hayes
“We don’t really have an argumentative relationship. We will bicker maybe, and though I hate to say it I am the one who stands their ground. I’ll think “No, hang on a minute” and tell him what I think. He is normally the one who says sorry in the end, although if I am in the wrong I do admit to it.”

What children say about … their parents arguing

Jake, aged 9
“When they argue they forget us, don't remember when it's bed-time. We get to stay up late and watch telly! One of them realises, they go mental and blame each other… it starts again.”

Ben, aged 11
“My dad is most times very easy going but when something annoys him he can explode. It can be really scary but Mum says he's just like that and she isn't scared.”

Alice, aged 14
“After I went on holiday with a school friend I realised my parents row well. My friend's parents bickered all the time and it never got sorted - just left. It made me feel quite uneasy. My parents argue but it doesn't bother me because it is, like, they disagree, things get said, things get sorted and then its over.”

Sammy, aged 6
“I don't like my mum and dad shouting but I do like it when it's over. They have a cuddle and get nice again.”

 

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Comments

  • Cc Esme Flag

    To the first poster-if you put your post on the main relationship forum more people are likely to read it and respond.

    Thu 9, Jan 2014 at 7:38pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    my boyfriend and i have recently got in a fight about something that i think isn't even worth fighting for. and he got really angry and said no trust no us but its not what he thinks it is I've tried going to his house to talk and he just shuts me out, says he's not ready to talk to me, he said he was done with me but idk if he's just really hurt or if he actually means it. he said he's not ready to talk to me about it and its been a week already since the fight and 4 days since we've talked. is it really over or does he really need time? he also said we may or may not get back together but i don't like the wait! what do i do please help!?!?!

    Thu 9, Jan 2014 at 12:04am
  • Cc Charlie Flag

    To the above poster: Please put your post onto the site where you're much more likely to attract a comment from the community. Best wishes, Charlie

    Mon 18, Jul 2011 at 9:09am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    My partner intoduced me to a church which I have been actively involved in for 11/2 yrs. We were both involved in the church choir whic is rather small. Now she doesnt want me to get too entrenched in the church as she no longer sings in teh choir and its doing my head in....

    Sun 17, Jul 2011 at 11:49am
  • User-anonymous leanneepowell Flag

    my boyfrien is depressed because he hasnt gota job and hes got lazy but he saidhe's going to get one and he loves me and wants to feel better for the sake of him and our relationship but we had time away before for him to do this so why should i weit now for him to d it?  im so confusd

    Mon 26, Jul 2010 at 11:59am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    This site is excellent but so under used. I am in desperate need of someone who will listen and chat to me, but this site is so slow.
    As for my comments on this thread, i agree with anon from march 20th 09.
    I have a partner, or had im not sure! they will not argue or make even their point. they clam up and i end up talking and speaking for her. when i ask is that right, she will say yeah a bit! But will then say i put words in her mouth.
     

    Sun 18, Apr 2010 at 3:13pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Ian 37,
    i met my wife nearly 2 years ago, she is 10 years older than me and see's this as a big problem now and agian! i love her to bits and the more i try and re-assure her the more she takes it out of me, hanging on in the back ground is her ex-partner who wants her back and is more her age, i panic and worry she will give in and start seeing him again.
    She never talks to me about him anymore she used to!! this is left me feeling helpless!!! depressed !!! and dont know how to deal with this situation. anyone help??

    Sat 11, Apr 2009 at 3:35pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Some people cannot argue and run for the hills if an argument threatens. This leaves the other person bewilldered, and rejected not listened to not understood. Also not understanding their partner. How do you understand someone who will not talk? someone  who just clams up withdraws? it is a horrible experience. To argue is healthy to argue with humour helps. I think arguing is essential it does not have to be loud but can clarify and lead to a better understanding more kindness and love.

    Fri 20, Mar 2009 at 9:07am
  • User-anonymous DJHU Flag

    I think that how we argue depends on how confident we are in our ability to win or how likely we are to gain control of the situation i also feel that walking away from the other person mid arguement is just a way of trying to take control of the situation without having to put in the effort to give a valid point of view.

    Tue 4, Nov 2008 at 10:27pm

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