Romance to reality

‘Romance, what romance?’ you might be thinking. The reality of life kicks in when you move from that early loved-up phase of your relationship to finding out about the truths of living with each other. (see the Changes and Stages in a Relationship - Relationship Insights)

It becomes a real test when children arrive. With the day-to-day grind of everyday life, it can feel there is not enough time or emotional energy for any fun together and you may find yourself thinking it is all over. Things have changed and you might find that your relationship is suffering. When things are difficult, you will probably also find yourself expecting more from your partner. Rows increase. You might find you don’t feel connected anymore – instead you are living parallel lives. All-in-all, the reality of this relationship may end up being different from what you expected when you first got together.

It is very normal for there to be ups and downs in relationships, especially after having children. Remember that as a couple you will go through many changes in your life together (see Changes and Stages in a Relationship - Relationship Insight). Issues will come up that need to be discussed. You may need to let go of some expectations and adjust to new situations. Sorting things out and keeping that closeness takes energy and commitment from both of you.

However, it is important to not let go of your hopes and dreams and to try and focus on a shared view of what you want from the future. (See Journey to Shared Goals - Relationship Insight)

Romance can still be part of your reality, but it just takes a little bit more effort.

Use the cartoon as a start to think about these questions:

• Where do different expectations (of your children, your partner and yourself) cause tensions?
• How might expectations be altered so they are more realistic?
• How and where could you make compromises to help your relationship?