Rollercoaster of Change
Roller coaster of change – life has it’s ups and downs and this insight helps you to anticipate the not-so-good times in your relationship and to manage them so that you keep connected; it is possible to use those experiences to make your relationship stronger!
Video synopsis:
Relationships go through smooth times, but there are also times when things can become bumpy along the way. Things often get rough at times of change. A common example is the birth of a baby, but redundancy or even being promoted to a better job can be a challenge for us as individuals and for our relationship.
Our old way of life seems threatened, and we feel unsure of how the future will be and not confident that we will be able to cope. At this point we might need some help even if it is just having someone to share the fear with. Our partner may be that person but when both of us are anxious it can be hard to give the right level of relationship support, so we may turn to others, like family and friends who we trust. If we don't get support and leave things to get worse we may find ourselves in crisis. If we reach that point it becomes harder and could lead to relationship issues with your partner. But by identifying the need for help & advice at an early stage, couples are able to ride out bumpy patches in their relationship and get back on track quickly, rather than plunging into crisis.
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Anonymous on 20 November 2008 at 11:17am said...
A very helpful visual image. We got together and had two children very quickly, and - much as we adore them - our lives are now solely about them and never about us. This is a useful diagram, showing how easily it is to slip into a crisis without even realising you are heading there.
kitty on 09 January 2009 at 3:40am said...
An insightfull visual image which shows how easy it is to get into a crisis when in a relationship that suddenly feels like the wheels have come off the wagon.
keepsmiling20 on 13 November 2009 at 2:09pm said...
Very helpful , wish ihad known this info two years ago ,
2old2startagain on 16 March 2010 at 10:52pm said...
What can a person do if your partner, in my case my husband of 15 yrs, refuses to even try o repair our relationship?
I can look back to the beginning, 15 yrs ago, and see the warning signs, the red flags and even the warning bells and whistles!
He was abandoned by his mother as a baby, raised by a fundamentalist "men are always in control" father. His money was his, my money was his too. If he saw it and waned it, he bought it. If I needed somehing, like medicine, or something I didn't have the money for, I did without.
We were only involved with things he enjoyed, I went along because I was expected to weither I enjoyed it or not. If I suggest something different, he would only have the time to join me if it was really something he wanted to do.
If I had a problem I had to fix it myself because talking about things were always onesided. Anything I ask was/is met wih silence. Like asking to go to marriage counceling, even afer I offered to let him choose who we saw. I have never gotten an answer, not even a grunt.
He keeps a money matters to himself. I am no allowed to know how much he has, spent or where iit goes. I am unemployed and he gives me a set amount (small) to buy my needed items and makes me wait and beg if I need more, I can't find a job in our rural area and don;t even have basic nice clothes to wear if I had a place to apply.
I spend days sometimes weeks without anyone to talk to anymore, he doesn' t come home until late (after 10pm) and leaves early (before 7am), I have no family, my kids are grown and like in other areas of the state so what can I do?
He has friends (mostly men no wives) and never seems to want to go anywhere with me, even camping, something we used to enjoy together.
Sinead (a member of the Talk It Out team) on 17 March 2010 at 9:13am said...
Dear 2old2startagain, You sound like you are difficult and lonely situation. You say your husband did not respond to your suggestion that counselling might help. Is it possible for you to go to counselling alone. This is not unusual in couple counselling, where one partner is reluctant to attend. I know money is an issue. If you are in the UK you might contact www.marriagecare.org.uk and explain your situation. You might also post your comment in the 'Talk it Out'section of this site, where the community will then be able to respond to you, anomymously. I do hope you find a way forward.