Cookies on The Couple Connection: The couple connection uses cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use the couple connection, we will assume that you are happy to receive all cookies from this site.

Making a Commitment - Managing conflict and difficult conversations

Tags: Magaing family conflict, family conflict, managing, difficult conversations, difficult, conversations, making a commitment, making, commitment, relationship, advice, support

From little irritations to big rows

Everyone has a good side and a bad side – there are things we love about our partner and things we hate. As you’ll have seen in ‘Changes and Stages’ when we fall in love we tend to see the best bits and are blind to the rest. But after a while reality dawns and we see our partner as a whole person – the good and the “not so good”.

One way of dealing with the little irritations is to consider what our partner has to put up with in us and to remember that often the things we like about a person are the other side of the things we hate. You can’t have one without the other.

But relationships are about getting on with another person so giving and responding to feedback from each other is all part of building a strong relationship. Being comfortable with talking to each other about things you don’t like is not easy – no wonder then that we say nothing and bottle up our discontent.

It helps to begin by explaining how you are affected by your partner’s habits or behaviour rather than to accuse or blame. “I get worried when you come back late” is easier to accept and respond to than “The trouble with you is that you are always late and don’t care about me”.

Clearly, there is a sliding scale here ranging from the trivial to those habits that are very problematic, such as a major addiction. Again being honest is key – but not just about your partner’s habits but also your own. Nagging rarely achieves anything – what is important is acknowledging how bad habits impact on others and that sometimes we need to change certain behaviours because it matters to the other person.

Disagreements

What usually happens when you disagree with each other? How have you managed stress and disagreements in the lead up to the wedding? Did you find yourself thinking we shouldn’t be arguing – we’re about to get married!

Disagreements are a normal part of being in a relationship - Sometimes it can be helpful for couples to think things in terms of the Four ‘Ds’.  Both of you are Different so you will Disagree, and therefore need to Debate. This can be Difficult and cause painful or uncomfortable feelings but it is vital that couples feel able to argue with each other and accept that they have different points of view.
 

  This was of help to 0% of people  

Comments

  • User-anonymous cjniya Flag

    As the Universal Children’s Day is coming, the fighting becomes in my house again. As usual, we are going to give our children a little party to celebrate the Universal Children’s Day, it would be better than just giving their presents. In the party, there will be food and drink and they could have a talent show there, they could sing, dance, play piano or do something else they could. I just want my children to have a real adults’ party and the (link deleted as advertising contravenes the Terms and Conditions of the site) wristbands would be the part that could not be missed. And that is the beginning of the conflict.
      My grandma is a typical old lady; she believes that everything in the past is better than they are now. And she believes that the silicon which is the main materials of the wristbands would be harmful for children. And she is insisting on making children to use the most original and most natural things. If she could, she would explore a farm in which are planted the organic vegetables which would have the organic manure only. I do not know how to change her mind.
      And the plan of that party would on the schedule, but we could not meet each other at any arrangement. For the food part, we are going to prepare the hamburgers, French fried and other foods which are popular among children nowadays. But my grandma insists on preparing the natural food, such as the black bread or the muffins. And Coca-cola or other soda drinks should be out of the list in her mind while her black tea and green tea are out of children’s favorite drink list. We are going to prepare an exploring activity for children and hide their presents in the bushes, but she does not think this is a good idea. She wants to be the Mother Christmas and tells stories to children, after that she would hand out the presents to them, like the scene in fire place time. Well, how to carry out both plans?

    Sun 8, Nov 2009 at 10:59pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    [comment removed as contravenes the terms and conditions of the site]

    Thu 9, Jul 2009 at 1:06am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    [comment removed as contravenes the terms and conditions of the site]

    Thu 9, Jul 2009 at 1:03am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    [comment removed as contravenes the terms and conditions of the site]

    Thu 9, Jul 2009 at 1:02am

The Listening Room

What is this?

The Listening Room is now closed until further notice. Please post your query on the Forum for peer to peer support.