Hopes And Dreams - Do We Want The Same Things?
Ambitions, hopes and dreams
How much do you know about your partner’s vision of the future? Are you able to chat openly about where you see yourselves in five years, ten years time? Many couples don’t!
Where do you want to live, choices of jobs and locations, and whether to work full-time or part-time, very often these issues get overlooked as couples embark on their life together.
Many people assume that getting married means having children sometime in the future, while others see having a family as only a possible consequence. If having a child is a given for you make sure that your partner is aware of how much this matters to you. Research shows it is really important for couples to share views on having children.
Talking about what matters to you both
Below are some headings to get you started - this shouldn’t be seen as a test – don’t feel you have to have all the answers; what’s important is being honest about what really matters to you.
This activity shouldn’t be rushed and you might want to do it over several weeks rather than as one activity. Remember to write down some practical goals as well as your big dreams and fantasies.
- Creating a Home together – What did home mean to you growing up? How important is it to be near family and friends? Do you see yourself settling in one area or moving around? How important is a nice home to you?
- Children - What are your memories of childhood? Thoughts around having one child or a big family? If either of you have children from previous relationships what issues does this raise for both of you?
- Extended family – How involved would you want them to be? Things you would like to replicate from your own upbringing and things you would want avoid?
- Career – The work you do and why? Self-employed? Employed? Balancing work with home life? Ideal job and why? Which matters most - pay or doing a job you care about? How ambitious are you? What motivates you?
- Life together and apart – The importance of your social life; couple friends and friends from before you met? How much time will you spend together as a couple, how much time apart? Quality of time spent together? Shared activities and separate hobbies? What certain interests and hobbies signify for you? Travel plans and dreams?
For more help why not have a look at:
- Introduction to becoming a parent
- Introduction to Bringing Up Children
- Postcards from the edge – Romance to Reality
- Relationship Insight - Changes and Stages in a Relationships
- Relationship Insight - Journey to Shared Goals
- Exercise – a rough guide to your partner
- Exercise – the early days
- Exercise – Personal Qualities
Listed below are the other articles in the Making a Commitment series:
- Making a Commitment - Get ready for your wedding and your marriage
- Making a Commitment - Understanding each others goals and dreams
- Making a Commitment - Home life and beyond
- Making a Commitment - Managing conflict and difficult conversations