How the hidden issues in relationships are the key to understanding what’s really going on

We often say the trouble with our relationship is in one aspect or in one issue, usually because we find ourselves arguing about that aspect or issue the most. But the key to making changes is to understand what's really going on - the hidden issues - that are undermining our sense of connection as a couple.

Video synopsis:
Most couples find it easy to say what the hot spots are in their relationship. If you dig deeper to explore what's really going on, you'll find feelings, some of which may be uncomfortable.

The couple's particular hot spot is money. They often have disagreements when it comes to money, for example when she comes back from shopping. He always asks lots of details about what she's bought & why, which makes her angry. She feels he doesn't trust her. They have a big row & this generally leads to relationship problems.

He has an issue with something much deeper than money. As a teenager his father was declared bankrupt and a few years later his parents separated. His mother was a big spender and however hard his father worked, the family were always in debt. He worries about the pattern being repeated in his own relationship.

Understanding hidden issues and making changes could be the advice that they both need to help them to work through their relationship problems.