Bringing up children - My way, Your Way, Our Way

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Deciding how to bring up children can be confusing. Each of you will both have different ideas about how to pass on values, when to discipline and when to reward your children. One of you may want to follow how your parents did it, whilst the other might prefer to seek advice from friends or parenting books.

The most important thing is to it work out together. Parents who support each other and are flexible are more likely to give their children a secure upbringing. You will both find that as your children grow up the demands of parenting change. So it is normal to feel confused or a sense of loss as children move from one stage to another. It may be that as parents one of you finds a particular stage harder than the other. This might be because one of you might remember having difficulties at that age yourself, but it is important to remember that your children are not you and may not react or behave in the same way as you did.

Step children

It can be even more complicated when there are children from previous relationships. More and more couples are having to combine being partners with being parents right from the start of their relationship.

Having a relationship with someone who already has a child can be pretty daunting. Should you just be mum or dad’s partner – a ‘friendly adult’ – or a step-parent? Sorting out what’s best for everyone involved can be very stressful and complicated.

Also the partner with children may feel torn between their children and their new relationship. Often you will both feel as if you are making it up as you go along and that okay - there is no right or wrong way to manage these complications but sometimes the pressures on you as a couple will be huge.

So if things are really tough, outside help or advice may be useful – some organisations offering support are listed on the links page.

Related videos:

Granny and granddaughter talk to about mum and dad's row. Granny tries to reassure her granddaughter that it wasn't her fault. Watch this video to see how relationships can affect children.

Word from the street - Kids