Affairs and jealousy - The green eyed monster
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Most of us will experience feelings of jealousy in our relationship from time to time.
Some times we can laugh it off – sometimes it may cause us anxiety.
Mild feelings of jealousy can be a good thing - sometimes it might remind us not to take our partner for granted which can be a positive in a relationship. But when it is extreme or becomes obsessive it can ruin your relationship.
Jealous feelings that get out of proportion can put a huge strain on your relationship.
Jealousy often stems from something in your past which has left you with a sense of insecurity. If you are insecure about your relationship and very dependent on your partner then you are likely to be jealous; so it is worth exploring where your feelings of insecurity might come from and talking honestly to your partner about it.
There are as many reasons why people have affairs but usually an affair is a sign of something needing to change.
Affairs aren’t always about sex - but they are always about a breach of trust between you and your partner. Trust is essential in any relationship, and it's something we often take for granted; so finding out your partner has had an affair can be very upsetting and is often a huge shock.
If you're the one who has had an affair then you will need to work hard at reassuring your partner that they can trust you again. If it is your partner who has had the affair you may feel insecure and jealous for a long time.
But as time passes and trust is restored you'll find yourself feeling more secure and confident about your relationship. No one can tell you how long it will take or how to rebuild your relationship or even if you should try and work it out. At first it may feel that your relationship is over, but many relationships do survive affairs and end up being stronger over time.
An affair will nearly always bring about a change in a relationship - but it doesn't always spell the end.
Related videos:
Word from the street - Affairs and jealousy
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Anonymous on 12 November 2008 at 12:25pm said...
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hACq9od1Zpc&feature=channel
Anonymous on 05 December 2008 at 1:32pm said...
does anyone want help in confirming whether their partner is cheating?
Anonymous on 15 January 2009 at 7:19pm said...
i feel the need to check womens phones when i first start dating them and things are starting to go well.
should i be worried?
admin on 18 January 2009 at 9:26am said...
Hi,
Thanks for commenting on this article. Maybe you could think about going to the Talk It Out forum and starting up a new discussion, so that other people, including the Talk it Out Team, can give you some feedback.
Anonymous on 27 May 2009 at 2:26am said...
when ever im away from my boyfriend i cant help but ring him all the time i no its driving him crazy cause he tells me everyday his even got so stressed out that he has ended it with me for a through hours i no what im doing is ruining our relationship but i cant help myself i worry where he is or if his talking to girls or even drove past one and said to his mate "oh she alright" which i have never been like before i wounder if its because i left my last boyfriend for him that i worried he will leave me for someone else? he tells me im the only one he wants and loves and i do believe him but i get jealous so easy and cant accept he wants me and no one else. he used to be like this with me but now his not bothered i feel like he doesn't feel the same anymore and i no its my fault what can i do?
Anonymous on 31 May 2009 at 11:38pm said...
i'v been with my girl now just over four months an i'm really suffering from a lack of trust and a bad case of jelousy. i'v known her now for over four years an we started off as really good mates an talked about are problems in are relationships at that point, we became really close an when one night we'd both had bad things happen to us with are ex's we both sat together an chatted for abit both cryed to an then we ended up sleepin together. i knew i didnt love the girl i was wit but my best friend an now girlfriend. she became pregnant an i didnt know if the baby was mine or her boyfriend's at the time, i asked her an she said there was no chance the baby was mine an kept to the story for a couple of years, i understand why and its because i was not ready for the responsability at that time in my life. i stayed wit the girl i was wit an went to jail for some time, when i was in jail my ex cheated on me an made me feel like i'v never felt before "that i couldnt trust girls", after all the promises an expectations whilst i was in jail when i found out wot she'd been doin i felt totaly crushed. then out of the blue when i got out of jail i bumped into my curent girl again and felt that feelin all over again that she was the one i wanted in my life but at this point she'd had the baby a little girl an a lil boy, we started talkin again an txting as always talkin about old times an reminising over things, she was still wit the same lad from when we first met an was gettin marryed in the september of 08, i was devostated an wanted to tell her just how i felt an that i'd grown up since we last spent time together but just couldnt bring myself to do nethin about it an only wantin her to be happy i kept my mouth shut. we carryed on chatting an txtin an as always friends forever till i got a txt over the christmas sayin her fella had beat her up an she wasnt wit him no more, fellin like i wanted to kill him i stayed calm an made sure she was ok an the kids were fine to. it got to feburary the 14th "valentines day" an she rang me askin for me to come down there was somethin we needed to talk about so i went down an she told me there was a really good chance her lil girl could be mine. since then we'v been together but i'm still jelouse when other lads speak to her or shes chattin on the internet an i went threw a stag of checkin up on her phone in the messages an readin her emails, i knew this was wrong but couldnt help it but i stopped when i seen it was pushing us apart, but i'v started again thinkin shes gonna run off wit some other lad or cheat on me when i'm not around even though she tells me i'm the only lad she loves an has only ever loved. wot should i do to get over or through this jelousy an lack of trust before it toltaly collaps's around me an she walks away through havin takin to much?
LadyLoops on 29 August 2009 at 5:33am said...
Erm.... hi h
ive been with this boy for 5 years now and i ate it when hes around girls, its not that i dnt trust him.. its cz i they look better than me..
i oftern feel fat and frumpy and he always tells me that am not buh i fink he jus says it ta shut me up..i love him alot buh i need ta get ova the jealousy.. another
LadyLoops on 29 August 2009 at 5:36am said...
sorry another thing is that i have an obbsetion with controlling him and telling him whcan n cant do.. hu he cn tlak ta and hu he cnt.. and im sick ov it cz i knw sumtym soon hes gunna leave me.... plz help me cn u gve me any sort ov advise on how to move the realationship forward and overcome this jealousy and controlness ova some1 i love
Girl-in-a-Teapot on 17 March 2010 at 5:52pm said...
Hi everybody,
I've recently read this very interesting article about infidelity and I want to share it with you. It surely helped me to understand more of the issues. Here it is: http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2010/mar/07/polly-vernon-infidelity-betrayal-help-relationships